How do I know to love you or to leave you?

What will it feel like if I lose you?

Through every toss and every turn, every night without your arm across mine 

I wonder what it would be like

If I went through life without ever having known you

Would I be happy or sappily  obsessed with the idea of happiness

Would I smile the way you made me smile? Laugh with the same joy that yours brought mine? Or would I find a different joy in things without you by my side? 

Maybe I would meet someone new, another one I could pursue and who could make me laugh in the same way you used to, or would I still wish it was your arm around mine every time I got close to someone else at night?

How do I know to love you or to leave you?



 I always run from the ones who care the most.

it scares me to bare my true self, to be fully exposed

it takes a lot for me to come undone, to let my mind repose 

but the ones who care the most never run.

they love me for me – all my flaws and my ripped seams – and they pull me in close

but somehow I still find myself lying to my own heart, 

I guess I’ve been running from the start

you are yours

don’t ever for a second assume that you are any less than the best person that you could possibly be. you are human and you should know that you are nobody else’s but your own. you are your light, the one that shines bright when the rest of the world goes inside. you are your light, your own guide when you feel blind. you are yours, but God, someday I hope you’re mine

everyone’s got something

that thing that makes them tick,

turn over in their head until they’re sick-

everyone’s got something 

that thing that makes them lose feeling,

reeled in by a whim of a fleeting smile-

everyone’s got something 

that thing that gives them high hope,

cling on to the notion that it is good-

everyone’s got something

that thing that makes life worthwhile,

sends chills up and down the spine- 

everyone’s got something

that makes them feel alive 

I can see you clearly now, but I don’t know how that can be when you’re so far away from me. but I can still see the times we shared in the lines on my forehead, and I can count the amount of laughter you gave me, imprinted in my dimples. the lines around my eyes, from smiling at you all the time, I can see it all clearly now. I can still feel the softness of your skin-the scent of you better than any perfume, the presence of you better than the essence of any  being. but I don’t know how it slipped away so quickly and so swiftly, and like the wind- you went. how am I supposed to mend my broken parts, if you’re still beating in my head and in my heart? 

how can someone so seemingly insignificant take up such a big space in the place called my heart, make me feel full in the deepest parts of my soul, make me forget every regret, make me wake up feeling new? how can that be true? 

I want a love so soft but so strong

a love that embraces me when I’m wrong and sings the never ending song

I want a love steadfast and steady

a love that bears the weight most heavy and conquers conflicts of any 

I want a love that lasts 

a love that forgets all in the past and is ready for what the future has

in store, for us

I want a love and to be loved even more

that smile

you’re like a song

an endless melody 

weaving words together with just a smile

it’s been awhile but

you make my heart run for miles

something about that smile

gives me butterflies inside 

I swear, you could light up the sky